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I’ve been holding myself from writing, lately.

My grammar sucks but that doesn’t stop me from writing lol.

What kinda stopped me (for a little while, I hope) was some emotions I had, which made me afraid that they would be like… pouring out through my writings.

Like a can of paint being poured out on top of a blank paper.

I don’t know if that made any sense, but that was the reason I kinda stopped writing in the meantime.

Hopefully I would get back to it though, because even though I’m not very good at it, I love the feelings I got when I wrote stories out of my imagination.

Funny, remembering how writing was actually a way for me to pour out my emotions, yet the same reason made me stopped writing.

Temporarily, I hope.


Roller Coaster

So, I think to myself.

Now that I’m here at the amusement park I wished I went with you.

Would you see that,

Clouds above our head, like a white cotton candy swirling around.

Would you see that,

People laughing gleefully, eyes enlightened with excitement.

Would you smell the hot air of mid June,

kissing our skin together with sunbeam.

Would you,

hold my hand?

I smiled.

Imagining how you tried to clasp my hand, awkwardly.

Yet you would try to do it nonchalantly.

And I would feel your hand sweating with nervousness.

Or was that mine?

I wonder,

Would you smile at me?

The way I do every time I remember you.

Or would you laugh?

Because I would love to see you laugh.

How your face lit up with happiness,

and all problems felt like evaporated to the air.

I look up,

Clouds scattered on the azure sky.

Reminded me of my fragments of heart.

While I try to make them stay stringing on a thin thread of hope.

I look at the roller coaster ride stopping in front of me.

Hopping into the car.

And slowly, I can hear the rattling sound it makes.

Like two massive gears are grinding,

As the ride ascending slowly uphill.

Adrenaline rush surging inside my bloodstream.

I feel anxious.


And I wonder,

If you were right here beside me,

Would your heart throbbing fast like crazy,

Would you feel like you were weightless,

A bubble floating up to the sky,


As the ride makes a screeching sound,

and reach its highest point,

I wish I was holding your hand.


And as it falls,

I wonder,

If you were right here beside me,

Our fingers intertwined.

Our hearts pounding.

Would you,

fall for me?



Another Time

Sounds of people’s steps rushing up and down the stairs.

From the speaker, a lady told us that a train would arriving soon.

I held my tote bag closer.

Train arrived and opened the door.

Inside my mind, I chanted along the sound emitting from the train speaker, asking people to be careful with their steps.

And that doors are closing.

Another morning. Another peak hour rush.

I glanced around me, searching for a familiar face.

Couldn’t find it.

I felt a pang of disappointment.

I was putting my earphone on, thinking maybe listening to my favorite songs would make me feel not so despondent, when someone running towards the door and jumped inside exactly before the door closed.

He landed with a thud!

Very close to me, palms still on his knees.

His breath heavy.

I stood still, still overcoming my own shock.

Slowly, he raised his head and stand straight.

And then, he smiled.

Like a sparkling-light-bulb smile.

A smile that left me stunned.

Time was broken at the moment.

It was dysfunctional.

It was mummified.

How come such warm smile could froze me, I didn’t really understand.

“Sorry. That must startled you.”

And he held on to the pole I was also holding on.

That was it.

The face I was looking for.

And I,

I was still standing breathlessly. Imprinting his voice. His smile. Into my mind.

It’s been a few months now, every workday morning, I would try to find him among the crowd.

I didn’t know what drew me in.

Probably his gorgeous face.

Or the way his musky perfume scent evaporated into the air and left behind a whiff.

Or the electric sparkle I felt whenever I saw him.

I felt my days are brighter when I found him on the same train with me.

And for a short 10 minutes, I was content by looking at him.

Even only a glimpse.

Even only a part of his head in flood of people inside the train.

I would recognize his hair.

His side look.

His chiseled jaw.

His eyes staring intently to his phone.

Or the way they sometimes just staring out of the window.

“That’s alright.”

I said, trying so hard not to stutter.

And he smiled again.

Heart palpitations.

I believed I was sweating visibly now.

Because I felt feverish.


Now would be a good chance for me to ask for his number.

No, not his number.

His name.

Baby steps, I reminded myself.

I didn’t have to rush.

Or should I?

What would he thought if I asked his name?

Should I introduce myself first? Would that be weird?

My heart was still beating so fast I was worried it would get overdrive and I would drop dead.

What would be his name?

Would it suit him?

Wait, I never thought about this before, but was he even single?

He might be married. Or engaged. Or in a serious relationship.

Or none of the above.

God, I would never know if I did not start asking his name.

Wait no, I should tell him my name and let him tell me his name, instead of asking him his name out of nowhere.

Or probably I should make small talks first.

Yes, that would be good.



Small talks.

Maybe about the weather.

No, that’s lame.

About the train crowd?

I looked up and tried to muster up my courage when the train speaker announced that we would soon arriving at his station.

I swallowed my words.

His eyes darted up from his phone screen to the train door.

And moved to me.

I swallowed again, literally this time.

He smiled.

A smile that light up the world.

Slowly he made his way to the door.

And so, I tell myself again,

Repeated the same words I’d told myself these past few months.

Next time.

Next time I would ask him his name.

Or even his number.

Next time.

Yeah, next time I would.

A month ago, I was a bride.
I always thought every bride in every wedding would smile elegantly and gracefully. You know, with a sweet and shy smile under her veil.

But I wasn’t a bride like that. Or rather, I can’t.

Ya ampun cyiinn pas ngeliat foto-foto hari H, gue ampe miris karena gue bukan sekedar ketawa lagi, gue NGAKAK. Mana pengantin yang mestinya elegan dan manis dan anggun dan canteekk? 😂😂😂

And yes, gue bahkan ketawa lepas pas sungkem sama papa mertua yang sebenernya lagi nangis! Sampe akhirnya papa mertua juga ikutan ketawa 😂

Looking at my photos, I think “Heck, apa-apaan sih gue, gak ada cantek-canteknya kali lah jadi penganten”

But I know and I realize, that’s because I was so happy on that day. And I’m happy I was being myself on that day, yang ketawa ngakaklah, yang monyong-monyong ga jelaslah, yang ngasih ekspresi anehlah 🙈😂

I was a happy bride indeed and hopefully I’m gonna have a happy marriage 😊💕

Happy 1 bulanan pernikahan, koko suwam ❤️ Semoga masih akan tetep norak senyum-senyum bangga ya ngeliatin cincin kawin di jari aku 😋

View on Path


Koko Taz & Cece Olip

So I proudly tell ya’all bahwa gue dan koko sudah….


Lol 😀

Sebagai bukti, ini dia sertifikat KPP gue dan koko *pamer-pamer sombong*


Keren kan? Keren kan? Keren dong ya, pasti keren kan. Meheheheh *dilempar pake piala hosti*

Gue seneng banget sih ikut KPP ini, meskipun awalnya skeptis banget karena udah ada 4 orang temen yang memberi kesaksian kalau KPP ini ngebosenin banget. Eh ternyata pas gue dan koko ikut yang di St. Kristoforus – Grogol bulan Desember ini, it turned out quite fun!

Pembicara-pembicaranya membawa materi dengan menyelipkan banyak jokes dan informasi yang mereka share dari pengalaman mereka juga berguna banget semuanya. Yang paling menonjol itu adalah semua pembicara sangat menekankan bahwa ‘perkawinan Katolik hanya satu kali seumur hidup, tidak terceraikan’ 🙂

Jadi beberapa pembicara wanti-wanti banget kalau sebelum merit mesti diomongin dulu semua hal yang ‘berat’ dan ‘serius’. Karena seringkali orang yang masih…

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Not a perfect guy.


But somehow….

His smile warms my heart perfectly.

His laughter brings me joy perfectly.

His silly remarks make a smile curled up on my face perfectly.

His jokes drive me laughing my ass off perfectly.

His annoying expressions irritate me perfectly.

His scolding brings me up to my senses perfectly.

His hand fits my hand perfectly.

His presence radiates happiness to my world perfectly.


Not a perfect guy indeed.


But his heart…


…it completes mine just perfectly.