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Coming Back

Phew.

It’s been a while since I wrote on this blog. I feel kinda guilty to abandon this one, but I keep writing on my other blog. It’s like I have another life. A busier one. Lol.

But every once in a while, it’s always comforting to get drowned in my thoughts. For almost 3 years, usually they ran for a short while in my mind, like a flickering gaze.

Dazing for a moment.

Forgotten the next.

Then I remembered, I have this la-la-land. A place where I can get lost together with my thoughts. A place where I can pour all my melodramatic things out, along with my sentimental feelings.

So here I am.

Coming back to a place I’m so familiar with.

Like smelling the scent earth gave off when rain tore up the sky, falling down to made love to the ground.

Giving me solace.


 

When I listen to songs I like,

Sometimes I just close my eyes.

And I remember a face.

A place.

A series of feelings.

How it makes my heart tingle.

How it makes me smile.

Or grinning like an idiot.

How it makes me want to cry.

Not because I’m upset.

Just because I feel like I want to.

How it makes me miss late night conversations.

Talking about life like we understand it.

or just making small talks.

No matter how small.

Trying to keep the conversation going.

How it probably makes us smiling longingly,

staring at the screen of our phone.

Reading every words.

Interpreting it in our own way,

trying to see beyond those words.

Searching for a deeper meaning,

hoping there’s something more beneath them.

Denying any bitter truth it might hold.

Denying the logic that keeps pushing into our mind.

And we just pushed it back out of our mind.

Because

At this moment,

while listening to a foreign-language song, we just want to get lost.

Even by deceiving ourselves.

Wait, since when I becomes we?

Suddenly my becomes our.

Like we both understand.

The feelings.

The mesmerizing way we want to keep chatting.

How we want to fall asleep knowing that we are the last person we spoke to.

before drifting to slumber.

Another la-la-land.

But do we really want the night to end?

Can’t we just froze these moments.

The smile plastered on our face.

The longing feeling to own each other.

Creating another world, another dimension.

Where only both of us there.

with fingers curling up, threading into each others’

Sitting and just breathing.

Relishing in every moment.

But eventually,

It became awkward.

The conversation.

Our smile.

Even the small talks.

We lost the reasoning.

We lost the sparks.

We lost them all.

And abruptly,

we feel like strangers.

Staring at each other for just a fleeting moment.

Like the ones we saw while riding a train.

Then we give another glace.

Smiling politely.

And moves on.

 

 

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About Godeliva Olivia

loves reading, sweet iced tea, and good laugh.

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