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Monthly Archives: June 2018

Fireflies

I glanced at my watch.

A few minutes later, there he was.

He caught my eyes and smiled, all while pushing the door open, making the heat from outside sneaked inside for a second.

He pulled out the seat in front of me.

Nervously looked around.

While I take in all I can, looking at him.

His messy hair.

His long fingers now trying to comb his hair.

His lips pulling into an upturn, more like smirking.

His twinkling eyes. Those eyes I would love to dive into.

It felt like all the chattering around us became white noise on the background.

Like a movie where camera focused on us and everyone else is just blurred.

He leaned in to me a little.

“I missed you.” and he grinned.

Gosh, I thought to myself.

I blushed.

My heart picked up a race.

I felt warm all over my body.

Shouldn’t this stage of relationship passed already? Those moments when you got all flustered up just because few words he said.

I stared at him and gave a vibrant smile.

“I know.”

When we got out of the restaurant,

It was pouring.

For a moment, we just looking up to the somber sky, spewing out streams of water.

He turned his head to look at me.

“Ready?”

I was still grasping what he meant when he hold my hand and pulled it.

We ran to the parking lot.

I was screaming and laughing.

When we got into his car, we were drenched and breathing hard.

We looked at each other, trying to catch our breaths.

And our laughter broke.

Hard, uncompromising.

We laugh so hard I cried a little.

When it faded, he gripped the steering wheel and started the ignition.

His face tensed.

My heart was beating fast. All of my body was anticipating with need.

He drove us to a desolated roadside.

It was dark outside.

Only few glints of stars.

I looked through the car window.

Lights emanating from houses beneath us, like hundreds of fireflies.

He touched my hand, and I jerked.

It was like his skin was fire that startled me when it came into contact.

We were looking into each other’s eyes.

I could see my reflection, my hair wet and sticking to my face.

My mouth partially open, my breathing hitched.

He moved first, and instantly our lips meet.

It was slow at first. Like tasting the edge of ice cream.

And realizing we could not get enough.

After few seconds, it became wild.

Savoring each other like it could melted away if we didn’t.

His hands cupped my face and slowly makes it way to other parts of my body.

I was clinging to his shoulder.

We take and give.

We shared the feelings we have, feelings so strong they could rip us open.

We were ourselves.

Being honest to each other.

And when I reached the peak, I feel like bursting out and became hundreds of fireflies.

Flying around the paradise.

With the window rolled down, we stared at the sky while spooning.

Our breath calming down, our hearts thumping in sync.

And we talked about the stars.

The sky.

Last movie we saw.

Glimpse of our childhood.

Jokes we heard from our friends.

He asked how was my life as college student going.

I told him my new friends. My assignments.

I asked how was job going on for him.

He told me about his strict-but-very-supportive boss.

We reminisce how we met on the subway, all the stolen glances.

The bashful smile.

And again we retold jokes we heard from others.

Laughing.

Caressing.

Cuddling.

And just contentedly basking in this sheer happiness.

We never talked about the future.

Like we denied its existence.

Perhaps we understood the truth.

That we would never belong to the future.

Or rather,

There’s no future belong to us.

His arms wrapped around my shoulder and I smile, feeling fulfilled.

I stroke his arms with my fingers so slowly it was like brushing with a feather.

Slowly to his hand and his fingers.

His ring finger.

And the ring on it.

With someone else’s name carved inside.

 

Tonight.

I told myself.

Just tonight.

Let him be mine.

My tears welled up in my eyes and blurred my visions.

From a distance, I could see hundreds of fireflies.

Dancing.

Without worrying the future.

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Coming Back

Phew.

It’s been a while since I wrote on this blog. I feel kinda guilty to abandon this one, but I keep writing on my other blog. It’s like I have another life. A busier one. Lol.

But every once in a while, it’s always comforting to get drowned in my thoughts. For almost 3 years, usually they ran for a short while in my mind, like a flickering gaze.

Dazing for a moment.

Forgotten the next.

Then I remembered, I have this la-la-land. A place where I can get lost together with my thoughts. A place where I can pour all my melodramatic things out, along with my sentimental feelings.

So here I am.

Coming back to a place I’m so familiar with.

Like smelling the scent earth gave off when rain tore up the sky, falling down to made love to the ground.

Giving me solace.


 

When I listen to songs I like,

Sometimes I just close my eyes.

And I remember a face.

A place.

A series of feelings.

How it makes my heart tingle.

How it makes me smile.

Or grinning like an idiot.

How it makes me want to cry.

Not because I’m upset.

Just because I feel like I want to.

How it makes me miss late night conversations.

Talking about life like we understand it.

or just making small talks.

No matter how small.

Trying to keep the conversation going.

How it probably makes us smiling longingly,

staring at the screen of our phone.

Reading every words.

Interpreting it in our own way,

trying to see beyond those words.

Searching for a deeper meaning,

hoping there’s something more beneath them.

Denying any bitter truth it might hold.

Denying the logic that keeps pushing into our mind.

And we just pushed it back out of our mind.

Because

At this moment,

while listening to a foreign-language song, we just want to get lost.

Even by deceiving ourselves.

Wait, since when I becomes we?

Suddenly my becomes our.

Like we both understand.

The feelings.

The mesmerizing way we want to keep chatting.

How we want to fall asleep knowing that we are the last person we spoke to.

before drifting to slumber.

Another la-la-land.

But do we really want the night to end?

Can’t we just froze these moments.

The smile plastered on our face.

The longing feeling to own each other.

Creating another world, another dimension.

Where only both of us there.

with fingers curling up, threading into each others’

Sitting and just breathing.

Relishing in every moment.

But eventually,

It became awkward.

The conversation.

Our smile.

Even the small talks.

We lost the reasoning.

We lost the sparks.

We lost them all.

And abruptly,

we feel like strangers.

Staring at each other for just a fleeting moment.

Like the ones we saw while riding a train.

Then we give another glace.

Smiling politely.

And moves on.