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That awkward moment when you don’t find your friend’s joke funny and all you can do is giving a straight face and pretending that s/he is talking to someone else, but there’re only the two of you in the room. Oh crap.


No, that’s not a true story, I made it up. But I do that trick sometimes, when there are a lot of people on the same table.

I’m just not that good at faking my laugh, you know. Sometimes when I’m just alone with my friend, and s/he tells me a lame joke, I just stare at him/her for a while and then put a silly grin on my face…

…that was my best effort trying to force myself to laugh.


But I know, it still creates such an awkward moment. Sometimes I’m really forcing it and I can hear myself letting out such a weird laugh like, “Haa haa haaa” or “Hhhhhhheeeheeee”

And I hate myself a lot for giving such a fake laugh, and for not being able to fake my laugh like others. I mean, they can do it so smoothly, man.

I have an outgoing friend that could laugh so genuinely (or so it looked like) when someone cracked up a joke. And when I asked her what did the person just talk about or what did her/his joke mean, she just shrugged and said “I didn’t know either. S/he’s lame.”

And I just went like, “Errrr.. didn’t you just laugh at her/his joke?”

“Yea I did. HAHAHAHAHA but I really don’t know what s/he meant! Now that’s funny. HAHAHAHAHA.”

…yea funny your ass.


I sometimes told her how fake she is, because she could fake her laugh and then whispered to me, “What the fuck is this person talking about?”

That was when I’m still in my senior high.


Now that I’m in a ‘real word’, I find that’s such a cool ability to have. In my working place, I’ve been in numerous awkward situation just because I couldn’t fake my laugh or my expression. You know, when a general manager aged 40 something cracks a joke and you’re a newbie in the office, you would wish you have such an ability.

To laugh so wholeheartedly even though you don’t even think he is speaking in a language that’s available on google translate.


Some of my friends think that this is a good thing, because this means my expressions are genuine. I laugh when I really think it’s funny and I respond to thing so spontaneously that most of my responses have not been made up.

But ‘that good thing’ costs me a lot of other things. Like, I couldn’t easily fit in because not everyone could accept it. So it’s difficult for me to get a close friend.

I thank God I’m not in a marketing division though. I can’t imagine myself handling customers and gotta show them how impressed I am with their stories or jokes when I’m actually, not. impressed. at. all.

OH gawd please kill me right away if I had to do such job every day.

I mean, I can smile to you genuinely but to laugh when I don’t have any reason to is just so damn difficult 😦


Yea, I know, it sucks, right? 



Well, even though I’m a secretary and it seems like it’s normal and acceptable for me to be quite stern (I don’t know why, but some of my colleagues say it’s because people tend to exploit a secretary’s multitasking ability to do all the things that aren’t even on her job descriptions, so being stern is a good self defense.) (But I’m not even multitasking at all, so… uhm never mind it. That’s another story. lol.),

…well, this ability that I lack of, I’m still figuring out  a way to learn it though.


For a better future.

(Hey perhaps I could have a bright future in marketing once I’ve mastered this abilty right?)

Lol 😀



About Godeliva Olivia

loves reading, sweet iced tea, and good laugh.

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