On today’s lunch time, a friend told me stories about what she just found out from her boyfriend. They just started going out together few months ago, which makes my friends and I believe that they should still having their ‘honeymoon’ phase.
But no. Things aren’t as sweet as we thought. Because she starts to realize that this guy, like everybody else in this world, is not flawless.
That guy who seems so mature, sweet and adoring starting to show his true characters, and that means no more all sweet talking to get the girl because she’s already his (or so he thought). He can’t understand why my friend got upset over a privacy invasion, because he thought by being her boyfriend, he can know whatever he wants to know. That includes checking cellphones, reading her diaries, and telling her what to do like removing friends from social media just because he doesn’t like her friend. He starts to make intimidating threats if she didn’t do what he tells her to.
As if those are not enough, he even starting to say harsh words towards her.
If this happened like, 7 or 8 years ago, I would be a person who snap him right in his face and telling him not to mess with my friend. But we’re all adults now, I believe she can handle her own problems especially something as sensitive as a relationship with someone, whom she might regard as husband-to-be.
So I just listened to her and telling her to be cautious, to adore herself and be smart enough to know when she got to let go (even though I believe it’s going to be difficult).
Being emotionally abused is something that most of us unconsciously accept as something normal. Some women think of it as an act of affection, some think they deserve it because it’s their fault, some just think that it’s something very normal in a relationship. Some just couldn’t do anything other than remain silent and accept their ‘luck’ although they realize something is not right.
I’m not an expert in psychology nor human relationship, but I notice there are some mistakes that girl often do in their emotionally abusive relationship.
These are some mistakes that I found;
- Too afraid to fight back or tell him that she doesn’t deserve it. This makes them easier to bully at.
- Love him too much that she forgot to love herself. Cliche.
- Worrying/ afraid if she can’t find someone better than him.
- Thinking that she could be the one who changes him. Thought she could be a hero for him.
- Feeling that she deserves it because it’s her fault. (Girls, some men are so good with words that they could distort the fact just to get what they want by putting you to blame)
- Forgive him for the… oh she lost count. For the countless times of emotionally abusing her, because he is crying begging for forgiveness and tell her that he realized his fault. (If he really feels sorry, he won’t repeat the same mistakes, girls. Wake up.)
- Feel ashamed if separation happens and people find out the fact.
- Feel pity for him. For whatever reason, for example, he’s a broken-home victim.
- Thinking that he needs her by his side or in his life, or vice versa.
I could only wish for those who are in an emotionally abusive relationship, that they know the limit. When to let go, when to say no, when to stop everything and love yourself more. Even though that’s not gonna be easy at all. But enough is enough, and you should know that before it’s too late.
Because believe me, however or whatever you are, you worth more than you thought.