So several days ago, boyfriend and I had a quarrel.
I shouted at him in anger and confusion.
Being childish, I cried and blamed him, accused him of being arrogant and annoying because he didn’t do what I wanted him to do.
He shouted back at me, also in anger. Scolding me for being so unreasonable and not understanding.
Somehow, I was kinda shocked. ‘How dare you to scold me back, you jerk?’ is what I thought in my mind.
Yet, I kept quiet. Looking at him, somewhat still in anger but also with a guilty feeling that I can’t deny.
I knew I was wrong. I realized I was being a dick.
Previously, I had a relationship in which I was the queen. I mean, it’s like, I always get what I want. If my ex didn’t do what I say, I threw tantrum until he did. If we had an argument and I was actually wrong – and the whole thing was actually my fault, I still won the argument and he would be the one who apologize. Me? NEIN.
I felt like I was the sun to his world, he rotated around me and I didn’t have to do anything, cause he was the one who needed me. Not vice versa. He couldn’t even scold me because I would erupt in wrath if he did. Yes, even though I was the one who held the faults.
I know, what a bitch, right?
When we broke up – even though I was the one who initiated it, somehow I felt afraid. Can I find someone like him? Someone that would let me be the ‘ruler’? Someone that would apologize even when he did nothing wrong just to please me? Someone who would accept me for being so fucking bossy and childish?
Despite of those ‘fears’, later I accepted this man to become my boyfriend, to share the plan of being together forever.
Aaaanddddddd…. well, I’m not the queen anymore. He scolds me when I’m wrong, yells at me when I’m being childish, and even though sometimes I’m still irritated of how he didn’t do what I wish he would (like pampering me every time), I’m trying to accept his stubbornness as he also trying to accept mine.
This relationship, although I’m not the ‘boss’ and I don’t always get what I want, makes me learn to compromise. In someway, I also learn to admit my faults and say sorry when I’m the one who’s being an asshole.
(He’s still having a hard time to have the initiative to apologize when he’s wrong though. So, you, if you read this, I would kick your ass next time when you try to defend your faults, okay? lol.)
So yeah, all of my fears back then, they vanished into the air. I’m glad I didn’t meet someone who treats me like a queen. I need someone who can show me that I should apologize when I’m wrong, that I can’t always get what I want, and the one that would become a dick too sometimes, so we’re even. (hahaha)
Most importantly, someone who teaches me to lose my ego – that in a relationship, it’s not only about me and what I like or dislike anymore. It’s about us – me and you – and how we compromise within all of our differences.
P.S. : I did say sorry afterwards. I’m not a queen anymore, but I’m still an angel. (hahaha, who am I kidding here?)
“Don’t choose a better guy. Choose the one who can make you a better girl.” – Trish to Lauren, This Means War